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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Thursday, December 19, 2024

Confessions of a grieving dog mom- part 3

 


Three days after Chevy came home with us I got scared.  While everything felt right and I knew we made the right decision getting him, I was afraid of the commitment I'd made to Chevy and if I could mentally and emotionally follow through after losing the 24 Paws..  Taking Chevy in was such a big step for both me and Chevy.  I didn't know what happen to him or why he was at the shelter, except it involved humans.  I was afraid of letting him down.  I'd fallen in love with him from day one, but was afraid of being able to love him for him.  He was the exact same color as Zappa, which I hadn't really noticed when we first saw him and on that third day it scared me.  Then I noticed his eyes.  Chevy is bi-eyed.  His left eye is a caramel color,  matching his fur and was the same color as Brut's left eye was.  It was Chevy's right eye that messed me up.  It is a dark, dark brown.  You can hardly see the pupil it is so dark.  It looked just like Brut's right eye when it filled with blood and was the first sign of what we would eventually discover to be a tumor on his liver.  Looking at Chevy eyes was a huge trigger of Brut and freaked me out.  So, on that fourth day, I laid down with him on his bed and cried.  For him, for me, and the uncertain life we were taking together. 



And as the tears flowed, after a while Chevy started to get up.  He seemed scared. He moved away from me. That's when it dawned on me that probably the last person who cried over him let him go.  I stopped crying and told him, we were in it with him forever.  And ever.  And ever.  And ever. 

Things went fast and slow with our healing.  He was such a fantastic dog who was happy most of the time.  He made it easy.  Every afternoon we would go outside and sit out in the shade and have some decompression time.  Sometimes I would pet him or talk quietly to him about what he'd been through, or I would tell him what a miracle he was to us.  Sometimes we would sit in absolute silence, with just the breeze blowing around us.  Those moments we had together were the glue that held us together.  We connected deeper and deeper each time.  I literally watched him settle into his skin a little more during these times.  That time period was precious.



Chevy's six month Gothcha Day will be this Saturday, December 21.  Right on the Winter Solstice.  I've come to embrace his Zappa coloring, which didn't take long.  I still struggle a little with Chevy's eyes.  I find myself looking at the lighter one more, but at least it isn't as painful to look into both of them.  And as for my fear of being able to love him, Chevy took care of that just being his gentle loving self.  We have been so blessed with Chevy and I can't say it enough.  He is the most amazing dog.  It was so easy to fall in love with him and love him forever.  ♥