I cried the night before we got Chevy. Boxer laid on my chest as the tears fell. Everything was going to change with a new dog coming home. A chapter of my life was over and a new one was to begin. There was a feeling of betrayal and of letting go. There was a sense of loss and fear, but what I didn't anticipate was there was closure. Closure to the grief and pain I'd been experiencing with the loss of the 24 Paws and extensively the last three years after Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa died. That surprised me. And relieved me. In ways I didn't expect that was healing. After going a year and a half without a dog, there was no doubt that the 24 Paws brought Chevy into our lives and this relief is proof. I will always be sad and I'll never stop missing the 24 Paws, but the deep pain of loss has been dissipated with Chevy.
You may remember the evenings are the toughest part of the day for me after losing the 24 Paws. It still is, yet it isn't as intense. Now it is surreal with Chevy here. Especially at bedtime. I have my pillows of the 24 Paws that I hug and say good night to and Chevy is there as well. I'm not really sure how to describe it. There is loss and life in the same room. The only word that fits is surreal. Like having a open door to the past and the future at the same time. It is a very strange feeling. I don't know if it will go away or not, but it is there for now.
It also feels natural, having a dog around. It was so easy to slip into a routine, the feeding, walking, and caring for like I've been doing all my life. It is like the rhythm of the heartbeat. The ebb and flow. The ups and downs. And unlimited unconditional love. All in harmony with the 24 Paws of Love. Their spirits alive and well. They taught me so much and I feel their pawprints on my heart when I'm with Chevy. It is such a beautiful feeling of wholeness and completeness.
And then there is reality. I'm still in shock that there is a dog in the house after so long without one. It still blows my mind that Chevy is here. At the same time it is like that time period of being dog-less didn't even happen. I can hardly remember it. ☺
4 comments:
You got a new dog? I’m so happy for you, it will definitely help to heal your battered heart!
Yes, about two months ago, we adopted a Yellow Lab, 10 years old and the sweetest dog ever! He has changed our life and done so much for our hearts. ♥
When I am sad because of dogs I have lost, I then try to remember that we would not have gotten other dogs to help. If those dogs had not passed when they did, then who knows what would have happened to the ones we rescued because of that loss. It is hard to feel sad and happy at the same time but I do.
Yes, I know that feeling exactly. So difficult, but so sweet at the same time.
Post a Comment