Change of Heart

I just burst into tears.  I was watching a nature show about arctic animals and their survival skills in the brutal conditions, when on came a huge flock of arctic ducks.  Thousands and thousands of them.  That's when I broke down.  I'd been doing that a lot lately, grieving about Luigi.

 For those who don't know, Luigi was our White Peking Duck, that we kept as a pet for over 13 years.  He died three years ago, gorging on sunflower seeds, that I didn't know until it was too late that the seeds were deadly for ducks.  It was an awful day when Luigi died.  Three days after Christmas.  He was weak and the only thing that was keeping him alive was we were having a very mild winter.  I was trying to hand feed and water him but he would barely do either.  Then when the night finally dipped below freezing, he was gone.

I had been trying to come to terms with Luigi's death, when six months later Brut died.  Then a year and a half later Silver died.  I blamed myself for Luigi eating the littered birdseed from the bird feeder and that if I'd acted sooner or knew better I could have saved him.  I have had no desires to get another duck.  I couldn't go through that again.

That is up until a couple of months ago...I felt Luigi's spirit and the main point of our conversation was to help me forgive myself.  And after I got Luigi's forgiveness, I was able to forgive myself.

I want ducks again. 

Which is a huge step.  I didn't think I'd ever say that again.  Luigi was my first duck and was so very special to me, I didn't know if I could love another duck.

I don't know if it will be this year or next or the next, but I do know a couple of baby duckies are in our future.

Thanks to Luigi.