Brut Thursday-When the Spirit Moves...

No one truly knows how the spiritual world operates and the realms that it can take.  When we found out a dear dog friend Tiko was very ill all we could do was pray.

That night I broke into gut wrenching sobs, thinking about Brut and how I thought the second year of him being gone is going to be harder than the first.  I said so to my husband, Mark.  So far I hadn't been wrong.  For the last couple  of weeks I'd been wrestling with my past and the loss of Brut was becoming more permanent as the days wore on.

The next morning I got up and tears spilling in abundance.  I couldn't stop crying.  My heart was breaking every which way.  They were fresh tears, tears of a new sadness with a deep grieving in my heart.  I felt Brut gripping onto my soul and I couldn't understand the intensity of this grave sorrow.  Even though it had been coming to a crescendo , it felt like it was hitting all at once.

Mark came home around noon, his face reading that everything was wrong.  I thought he was crying about Brut, when he told me about Tiko.  Tiko had died the night before.  And when he told me that, I thought, that's why I was crying so hard.  And just like that the tears stopped.

I felt Brut holding my heart with Tiko by his side.  Tiko was finally at peace and that was worth all the tears that fell.  Little did I know as I cried for Brut, I was also crying for Tiko.  It was a beautiful touch for two kindred souls that I love and miss.

May they both rest in peace and forever in my heart.  Amen.

To the Second Bad-Ass Dog We Have Ever Known

For you Tiko:

In my book there aren't too many dogs that can top Brut, but there is one that came darn close.

His name was Tiko.

He was the coolest Husky mix we have ever know personally and at one point he was going to be the father to Blaze's children...sadly though he came down with testicular cancer and that was the end of that..

I can not tell you what it was about Tiko that was so awesome, whether it was his bad-ass look, attitude and stature.  There was something deep in those eyes, like there was already a piece of me inside of him after one meeting.

His one blue eye and one brown eye threw me off as if not knowing which to look in, questioning him, while he just gazed profoundly into my heart and soul.  Owning me without question, in a way a Husky does and I'd only felt with Brut.

Our meetings were always brief but intense and were scattered throughout the years, but we built a relationship quickly out of the time we had together.

Sadly he passed away July 12, 2016.

Tiko did not get the recognition or care he should have had through his life.

Tiko was the only dog that I would have considered breeding with Blaze.  The only dog I felt that was worthy of her.  When he couldn't, the dream ended.  We never found another dog that was even possibly close to Tiko.

Tiko was the only dog I would consider being second to Brut.  Just as with Brut, there was something about Tiko that was more than remarkable and noteworthy.  He had an aura about him that was like none other.  A complete individual with his own thoughts, feelings and attitude.  He was just bad to the bone like that.

Brut and Tiko would have killed each other if ever to meet, but now they are heaven's warriors fighting crimes against dog and animal cruelty.  Two dogs as opposite as can be yet with that same bad ass spirit.  May you rest in peace Tiko and find the justice you deserve.

Catching Up

Not sure what I'm really feeling except I am missing Brut.  I have a longing to see him after watching videos from last summer after his death and how we were coping.  And it all seemed so empty and raw.  He is all I think about everyday and every night.  If I am not thinking directly about him, I am thinking of the changes that are occurring every day without him here.  Or because of him.  That boy has a total hold on me.

We were at the vet's last week, having some x-rays done for Fiona.  Nothing serious, we've just added a yearly x-ray to our check up list since losing Brut.  There were about 3 or 4 puppies there for shots and check ups.  They ranged from 8-10 weeks old and I really didn't feel a thing.  Nothing.  I wasn't drawn to them at all.  No tugging at my heartstrings. It was strange.  But not really because I couldn't imagine starting over with new life.  They were cute, but I've known for a long time I'm not ready for the care and commitment it would take bringing any new animal into our lives.  For the most part I am OK with that.  Though every once in a while I wish I could push it along and make it all go faster so I could move on, because then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

It hasn't helped that we have been to the vet for a couple of scares and more times than we've ever been since about March.  Silver must have ate something (no idea what) that gave her bloody diarrhea and vomit.  That was our first scare, we didn't know what in the world was going on.  Talk about shaking.  She finally got better, but we weren't done with her yet.  She developed golf ball size anal glands due to being sick and we took her in as an emergency.  That was scary as well. Thank God they didn't rupture!

Then Chance ripped off his toenail, the full nail and we had to take him in to have it ripped off.  He was also back for a bladder infection that finally cleared up.  Now he might possibly have another one.   GEEZ!

Then if all that wasn't bad enough Fiona lost 3 pounds in two months, was

drinking a ton of water and her fur was falling out.  Turns out all the dogs were losing weight since Brut died as I had them on a lessor amount of food due to shorter walks and less playtime.  (they just don't play and chase each other like they used too.) And what is strange is that they have been on this same amount for the last five years and it took Brut dying for them to lose weight on this same amount.  So it has been taking some time to get them back where they need to be.  Fiona was the worst case followed by the rest, Zappa being the closest to normal.

I still don't understand it.  Was the hold Brut had that great?  Things I will never know about how a pack really operates.  How blinding grief can be.  And how it took Fiona to be in the worse shape she's ever been to get everyone back on track.  Fitting that she is the new alpha.  

So we are still are recovering from the loss of Brut.  One day at a time.  In our own ways, but always together.  The 24 Paws of Love way.

Until next time,
Love and Pawprints

Patty and the Paws