I've been working on our Christmas cards for the last couple of weeks. I make my own photo cards and it has been especially heartbreaking pouring through photos of Brut. Knowing that all we have of him in the digital world is what we will ever have of our boy, and that is very sad.
There hasn't been much in the way of Christmas spirit. We are just taking each day as it comes. Dec. 18 will be Brut's six month anniversary of being gone. While each month has been a marker, there is something about not seeing or touching or hearing Brut for half a year that has broken my heart more than when he first died. This will be on top of the year anniversary that our duck, Luigi, died three days after Christmas.
If it wasn't for the rest of the dogs and cats, we wouldn't make it through this grieving process. The highlights of my day is taking the dogs for a walk. I struggled this past summer, so heavy with grief, that I didn't have the energy to take them out. Hubby, Mark did most of it, until his hours at work caught up and now I'm doing most of the walking. Some days it's the only time I smile and laugh for that day.
It's taking a lot to keep our heads above emotional waters. When I was creating our photo Christmas card par Mark's idea I burst unexpectedly into tears. Brut is on the card and this awesome idea happened when I put him in a certain spot. That's when it hit me how perfect the card is laid out. That's all I will say about the picture, but it was pretty awesome! It was like Brut was right there with me, guiding me. And he was.
But then the more I looked at it something was missing, something more than just Brut. I don't know I couldn't figure it out. So I started playing with the design and it was an emotional upheaval. When Mark saw the cards, he went through the same feelings. I tried and tried to fix it, but it was hitting too close to home, so I ended up starting over from scratch. It was all too much. The new card is better. It doesn't hurt as much as the one before. Not sure what we'll do, we either one or do both, but we'll make a decision this weekend.
Say a prayer for us. Thank you.
If it wasn't for the rest of the dogs and cats, we wouldn't make it through this grieving process. The highlights of my day is taking the dogs for a walk. I struggled this past summer, so heavy with grief, that I didn't have the energy to take them out. Hubby, Mark did most of it, until his hours at work caught up and now I'm doing most of the walking. Some days it's the only time I smile and laugh for that day.
It's taking a lot to keep our heads above emotional waters. When I was creating our photo Christmas card par Mark's idea I burst unexpectedly into tears. Brut is on the card and this awesome idea happened when I put him in a certain spot. That's when it hit me how perfect the card is laid out. That's all I will say about the picture, but it was pretty awesome! It was like Brut was right there with me, guiding me. And he was.
But then the more I looked at it something was missing, something more than just Brut. I don't know I couldn't figure it out. So I started playing with the design and it was an emotional upheaval. When Mark saw the cards, he went through the same feelings. I tried and tried to fix it, but it was hitting too close to home, so I ended up starting over from scratch. It was all too much. The new card is better. It doesn't hurt as much as the one before. Not sure what we'll do, we either one or do both, but we'll make a decision this weekend.
Say a prayer for us. Thank you.
3 comments:
Special Celebratons and the holidays in general are VERY difficult as you try to swim through the horrible transition and loss. We understand. It WILL over time become a matter of the pain growing into a beautiful healing tree of memories and shared experiences remembered and little reminders from out of the blue...but it takes time.
I'll probably be sailing Friday and out of touch. But please know that I'll be sending every positive thought your way to help you through the half year anniversary of Brut's passing.
You will always grieve him. He's such a special dog. I hope that over time your grief softens somewhat so you can take pleasure in all the memories you made with him.
Every blessing to you and your whole family this holiday.
Thinking of you all. (((Hugs)))
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