Dear Brut,

I'll never forget that day that we brought you home so long ago, November 22, 2006.

You were a little fluff of terror at 6 weeks old.  Two days later on Thanksgiving, I didn't know what to do or how to go on keeping you.

You scared the begeezes out of me and I couldn't explain the terror I felt anymore than I could explain why you acted so wild and untamed.

And then I see this picture of innocence and sweetness and I remember the day I took it.  We had finally made a connection and had an understanding.  It was so precious how you would peek at me over the board then run back to the couch and wait for me to give you a treat.  It was the beginning of many connections between us that we built on for any obstacle we encounter and when we couldn't overcome, we still connected.  I'll always remember that day.

And while I can't physically remember every day of your life with me, the memories are stored in my heart and channeled to my soul so that you are always with me.  You transformed my life, how does one repay that.

Today would have been your 9th Gotcha Day.
I love you more than life itself, Bruter boy,
Thank you for taking the journey with me,

Love and miss you forever,

Mom
(patty)

Walking with the Wise Dog.

The weather was gorgeous and was close to 70!  Quite rare around these parts, especially in November!

Despite the sunshine and warm temps, today was exasperating.  I awoke from a nightmare I couldn't shake.  Hasn't happened in a long time, but my day started off very slowly and not so great.  I had to scold Fiona for pouncing on Boxer (our cat) when they were outside and for the fact she wasn't listening to me at all when she was doing it.  I went to put her in her crate for a time out and she wouldn't go in it.  Then she made a lunge after Zappa when I went to give him his treat.  Yes, Fiona is a chip off her ol' dad, Brut.  She is not as fierce as her dad, but some treats under the right conditions can get her fired up.  And I yelled at her again.

Sigh...

Then it was walk time and the last thing I wanted to do.  I was tired and just didn't feel like doing it.  Eventually I talked myself into 5 short walks with each dog.  Zappa was first.

Oh, I wish I knew how to describe Zappa and our walk.  He was so gentle and light footed.  Not pulling or rushing, like he was tiptoeing through the trees. The whole walk was in the woods at sunset.  I let him guide me and I felt the stress of my night and day trickle down my fingers into the crunchy leaves and moist Earth.

We followed many deer paths and scared up quite a few that were just on the outskirts of the trees.  The walk got longer and longer and I forgot all my cares and worries of the other dogs.  It was just me and Zappa right now.

Do you what it like to have your hair tied up and let it down with the wind?  That's what it was like.  I could almost feel the breeze blowing through my soul.  It was so beautiful.

Those were the kind of walks I used to have with Brut when I was tense and I just wanted to runaway with him into the woods and forget everything.

Wonder if Brut was with us today?

Zappa is our old soul dog and the wisest of all five.  We have been tuning into each other and he must have known what I needed.  No doubt.  It was a wonderful walk and shared time together.  Brut would have been proud of his son taking such good care of me.  :)

Silver Joins in the Healing

While the loss of Brut has changed our lives forever, part of those changes are silent blessings.  We've witnessed some pretty amazing things with Silver showing more of herself without her mate and the Brut Regime.  They are tender sweet memories that have made me smile in awe through the sadness this summer and fall, for I know she too has been through a huge loss as well and shows me how to carry on.

Silver by far has made the biggest changes as she bonds more tightly with her kids, Zappa and Fiona.  Silver has a life all her own.  At twelve years old this is her second big loss, after the death of Alex (her first love) and she continues to carry that spunk and energy that is all her after losing Brut.

One of the first things I noticed was her love of toys, especially balls, came back.  Being that she is part retriever she has always like a good game of fetch.  When Brut came along she didn't get to play very much because Brut, being the stud he was, always wanted to mount her.  Which then would usually start off a game of chase between the two.  But now, we can play fetch a little longer without the interruption.  It doesn't last over five throws, but the joy on her face and the bounce in her body is enough for this crafty girl to have a good time.

The second thing I noticed since Brut's death with Silver is she started joining in on the hunt with her kids.  Ever since we got Silver she has always been a hunter, bringing me mice and such and dropping them at my feet.  Then we got Brut.  And he was a fanatic about hunting chipmunks and squirrels.  Just crazy!  I can't believe he actually let Zappa and Fiona hunt with him without serious repercussions.  Silver basically stayed out of the game when the puppies came along, so to see her join in with them was awesome!  It is like watching someone getting back to their roots and being reborn.  So beautiful.

Then this happened the other day:  Fiona and Zappa started up a game of chase and Silver was part of it.  That was true beauty!  The first couple of time when Zappa and Fiona started chasing each other, Silver looked so lost.  She just laid there with her head down, missing Brut.  So when I saw the Trio chasing and romping around with it each other, it melted my heart.  The healing has been incredible with these three.  I hope to bring more updates of their progress, because it is like a miracle to watch.