grieving

I didn't expect to deal with a death this early into my blogging life, but here I am.  I want to share this journey  because I think it is important, not just for me but for others who have, will and are experiencing it to.  And frankly, the only thing I know what to do is write, so I shall.

We are all doing OK since Angel's passing.  There is an undercurrent of sadness flowing through our home that sometimes turns into a gentle but strong wave.  There is no doubt it is flowing through the dogs as well.  And I do believe they are intelligent, emotional creatures that are sensing more than just our own grief.  I believe they are going through their own grief as well.  I didn't think they were ever going to stop sniffing us when we came back from burying Angel.  I was told once that once a puppy leaves the nest and time has past the siblings do not recognize each other based on smell.  The theory is that all together in a litter they all smell the same because they take the same mother's milk, food, and just the general aroma of home.  Once they leave they take on their owner's smells, new food, etc.  In which case if they meet again after time, they are like strangers.  I can attest to this on some level witnessing Blaze come back, but I also had other contributing factors like Brut mainly who taught the other dogs of his fear and the threat of another dog.  And is why Blaze was separated and why it has taken so long to bring the two packs together, besides the fact of doing it on our own.  BUT, I do believe that dogs are spiritual creatures and they never really forget family.  Even if they don't get along, I believe that on a higher level of consciousness all of our dogs know they are related.  Or I don't believe it would have worked out so smoothly.  So when we came home with Angel all over us, they knew exactly who she was and they knew she was gone.  And I think we grieve differently, dogs and humans, but I believe we are all grieving together for her loss.

It will be a week today that we buried her.  Words I never thought I'd write so early in her life.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling except for those waves of sadness.  Last night I need some quiet, alone mourning time and with a candle and song I felt like I could almost touch her.  And I smiled and laugh as I saw her running free in my mind only to be stopped by the tears of her being gone and the image of her motionless on the truck bed.  Never again to be knocked down by her kisses.  Gone.

I gave Brut a big hug and Silver as well.  They had lost a daughter.

I talked to Chance who is the most sensitive of the bunch and my dreams of heaven where we all run free together.  No leashes, no collars, no fences, no barriers.  I couldn't wait.  And I talked while I rocked him about our dreams for a houses with lots of land so that we could have a taste of heaven someday.  And he listened while I held him.

And a grand peace came over me.  And I debated whether to write this, but being among dog lovers, I knew you'd understand.