Brut Honesty

I have often discussed my difficulties with Brut and all his transgression.  Name a bad behavior and he has it.  It has been a difficult struggle for me, but it has also been so for Brut.  For as much as I have had to put up with him, he has had to put with me as well.  I'm not talking about my lack of knowledge and ignorance about his aggressive nature, but with my disdain that has come from it.  There are more ways than I can count that I've had the thought of wanting to get rid of him.  I haven't always been so forgiving and kind to him.  A vicious dog fight I witnessed as a child triggered what I thought was a killer in Brut.  Every time Brut attacked one of the other dogs, I was gripped in fear that his actions were malicious and I learned to hate that part of him.  I could not separate what I saw between those fighting dogs who happened to both be Chow Chows and Brut whom I discovered was also part Chow.   What would be the odds?

Yet as much as that hatred and fear hardened my heart, my love for Brut ran a deep parallel to it and I found myself always teetering on that fine line.  I struggled to love this portrayed monster and the Jekyll and Hyde he displayed between the two entities where I found myself constantly flipping with obvious division between the 'killer' Chow in him and the loving Husky.  I've done my share of emotional damage to him as these two dimensions split my love for him.  So while it hasn't been easy on me, it hasn't been easy for Brut either.

So many times I didn't know what to do when he would go after another dog and felt like I was drowning in a sea of hopelessness. If it wasn't for the bond we form the first day I chose him, I don't know what would have happened.  Spurred along with words from the breeder who said he gave us Brut because he knew we would keep him forever.  Never mind that this breeder was part of the cause for the damage done to Brut as a very young pup, they were words I couldn't ignore.  Words I clung to at those moments when I was ready to give in.  Words that made a difference and kept my thoughts about getting rid of Brut, just that, thoughts.

And Brut knew it.  He knew how I felt because I couldn't hide it from him.  Thoughts or not, they were real.  My frustration, anger and disappointed flowed through me like a river and gushed all over Brut.  But then so did my love for him.  Eventually time and understanding began a healing for both us and brought us closer than ever. The love kept winning as our frayed ends began to mend.  Respect replaced the hate and I began to understand the nature of the beast within both Brut and myself.  Two very damaged souls that found the power to heal one another with a bond that will never die.  Call him my heart dog, my canine soul mate, or my spiritual twin, no other dog could have done what he did for me.  And no other human could have done what I did for him.  A true measure of love that has only grown and matured as the years pass.  How to stick it out through the best and worse of a relationship and the honesty of those ugly feelings that kept bringing us back to each other. 

         Who would have thought the most troublesome dog could save this traumatized heart and teach me the Brut honesty of true love?