The Returning Gift

I grew up learning dominance training for dogs.  I could never stand the constrain of it, even though I used it in my adult life.  Silver got the brunt of it and it wasn't until getting Brut that I felt even more constricted by conventional training and the need to be free.  I have read maybe three books on dog training and never read any of them in full.  I found positive reinforcement and that helped to loosen up the grip but I still found it lacking in creativity.  I began experimenting with several methods, a mixed bag of things I'd picked up along the way and my own intuition.  I constantly changed and used what I needed at the time or what worked taking things to the next level.  I learned to work within my own pace and the dogs, letting them guide me to where they wanted to go.  I made mental notes along the way for my brain to process and when situations presented themselves, the idea was suddenly there.  I followed the dogs lead many times (oops! that's not the right way) and found I had a better outcome than I when I tried to take the reins.  I thrive on creativity and began to shape and mold the tidbits of information I discovered along the to work for me.  I found that for me something will only work if it is built for both the dogs and I.  If I'm not comfortable with it, then I can not expect my dogs to be.  Over the past several years our lives have been sculpting into this beautiful bond that exist between our dogs and us and we have realized along the way that the journey is almost as good as the results.

Like any parent who wants different for their children, I wanted different for my dogs than how I grew up.  I wanted them to have the freedom to express and think for themselves (gee, how did we end up with Huskies??) and I wanted their personalities to shine, not be stuffed in a box or made to conform.  I wanted them to live and experience life to it's fullest and not be tied down to rules and regulation.  Has it been easy?  No, and sometimes it is harder than hell. And as much as I believe in it, I still struggle within myself the acceptance of being able to do that.  I have beat myself up because my dogs aren't like the other dogs or can't do the same things.  They don't always have the best manners and they have special circumstances that make them outcast compared to other dogs and people I know. Sometimes I am embarrassed and ashamed and will go through periods where I try to "fix them," only to find myself swallowed in guilt, begging their forgiveness, and looking in those soulful eyes asking myself, "what am I doing?"  Then I take a deep breath and bow again to these souls that lift me higher than I should be, reminding me of the reason I started this road.  For these are my own inner struggles to be myself.  I recently discovered that the gift I have been giving them is being returned to me ten fold.  My dogs are teaching me how to have the freedom and beauty to be myself. 

For far too long I have wanted the perfect dog, but my belief in letting them be themselves overrides that want and holds a richness that inspires me to hold myself to the same principles.  A feat still in progress and a journey that we are taking together.