Confessions of a grieving dog mom- part 3

 

Three days after Chevy came home with us I got scared.  While everything felt right and I knew we made the right decision getting him, I was afraid of the commitment I'd made to Chevy and if I could mentally and emotionally follow through after losing the 24 Paws..  Taking Chevy in was such a big step for both me and Chevy.  I didn't know what happen to him or why he was at the shelter, except it involved humans.  I was afraid of letting him down.  I'd fallen in love with him from day one, but was afraid of being able to love him for him.  He was the exact same color as Zappa, which I hadn't really noticed when we first saw him and on that third day it scared me.  Then I noticed his eyes.  Chevy is bi-eyed.  His left eye is a caramel color,  matching his fur and was the same color as Brut's left eye was.  It was Chevy's right eye that messed me up.  It is a dark, dark brown.  You can hardly see the pupil it is so dark.  It looked just like Brut's right eye when it filled with blood and was the first sign of what we would eventually discover to be a tumor on his liver.  Looking at Chevy eyes was a huge trigger of Brut and freaked me out.  So, on that fourth day, I laid down with him on his bed and cried.  For him, for me, and the uncertain life we were taking together. 

And as the tears flowed, after a while Chevy started to get up.  He seemed scared. He moved away from me. That's when it dawned on me that probably the last person who cried over him let him go.  I stopped crying and told him, we were in it with him forever.  And ever.  And ever.  And ever. 

Things went fast and slow with our healing.  He was such a fantastic dog who was happy most of the time.  He made it easy.  Every afternoon we would go outside and sit out in the shade and have some decompression time.  Sometimes I would pet him or talk quietly to him about what he'd been through, or I would tell him what a miracle he was to us.  Sometimes we would sit in absolute silence, with just the breeze blowing around us.  Those moments we had together were the glue that held us together.  We connected deeper and deeper each time.  I literally watched him settle into his skin a little more during these times.  That time period was precious.

Chevy's six month Gothcha Day will be this Saturday, December 21.  Right on the Winter Solstice.  I've come to embrace his Zappa coloring, which didn't take long.  I still struggle a little with Chevy's eyes.  I find myself looking at the lighter one more, but at least it isn't as painful to look into both of them.  And as for my fear of being able to love him, Chevy took care of that just being his gentle loving self.  We have been so blessed with Chevy and I can't say it enough.  He is the most amazing dog.  It was so easy to fall in love with him and love him forever.  ♥            

Everything is better with a Chevy

24 Paws of Love Angels watching over Chevy

Sitting on the couch with my boy.  Still utterly amazed by him.  This canine by my side.  Even after five months of being here, Chevy still surprises me every day by how much love he has in him.  

Chevy and the 24 Paws of Love

When I lost the 24 Paws, I could not fathom a dog that could match them.  Yet, here we are with Chevy doing just that.  The 24 Paws are physically gone, but they are still here in spirit.  And they are in Chevy, but he is his own dog.  It is weird.  I'm constantly doing a mental double take. Chevy has smoothed all the rough edges of that loss and made me fall in love with dogs again.  

This boy is the most loveable dog we have ever had and that I have ever met.  Chevy loves to snuggle and is always open to attention and affection.  He loves everyone he meets and everyone he meets loves him, including his four doggie girlfriends.  He wants to do a meet-and-greet with all people and dogs he comes across.  Which is one of our challenges when out and about with him, not being pulled towards potential "new friends."  lol  He has such a hard time controlling himself, but we are working on it.

   

His training is coming along great!  We are working on a solid "stay" and "come."  10 to 15 minutes is all he needs for training until he's rolling on the grass or grabbing a stick to let me know he's done. lol

Chevy is just such a good dog overall.  I still find myself in disbelief at just how good of a dog he is.  We have been more than blessed with him.  ♥

Chevy: 3 month Gotcha Day

Those wrinkles!

It has been 3 months since we picked up Chevy from the Humane Society and he is coming along just fine.  He was a pretty confident dog when we got him and yes, looking back he had some anxiety, but that little bit is melting away day by day.  I have literally felt him back in his skin.  Which is wonderful. 

We discovered he was a therapy/support dog.  Which explains a lot of his mannerisms and behaviors.  Like why he feels so secure with himself and other people. Including dogs, cats and kids.  What a blessing he has been to introduce him to our doggie friends, take him to the vet and out in public.  He loves everybody!  In fact, I have to pull him away from greeting every single person he sees.  lol

We did a DNA test on Chevy and found out he is 100% Labrador Retriever.  A friend of ours thought he might be an English Lab.  When I looked up the breed, Chevy fit the criteria.  His Yellowish-red coat was what threw us off and we wondered if he was a mix.  I can't explain the genetics, but turns out he is considered a Yellow Lab, even with his reddish coat. 

Nothing like a dog with a stick

I introduced the "find it" game to Chevy and he loves it.  You should have seen the first treat he found on his own, his eyes lit up.  It has been fun doing nose work with Chevy, especially since Labs are sight dogs.  He is getting lots of practice.  I just started elevating the treats, on chairs or tables, and he picked up on that quickly. 

Chevy is as sweet and loveable as the first day we picked him up.  It is amazing what love of a dog can do for you.  I wouldn't have traded our time without a dog, I needed that time, and now it is time for Chevy.  ♥ 

   

Feeding Chevy

 

We've discovered that Chevy is an avid grass eater.  His first week of being with us, he threw up a huge wad of grass one morning.  So, I gave him some chicken and rice for his tummy and that started us down the road of home cooked meals.  It is something I have wanted to do with the 24 Paws, but just couldn't with 6 dogs.  Not to mention being scared to do it, with my lack of nutritional education.  I always preferred to let the dog food companies do the work for me, but as it was Chevy wasn't taking so well to his kibble as it was.   He ate it, but wasn't too thrill about eating it.  I know he was new here and he had been though so many changes that made him nervous that I didn't want food to be one of them.  So I bought some recipe books and we took the plunge into home cooked dog food.  

The first thing I noticed, like immediately, was his grass consumption went down considerably.  I'd like to say he stopped altogether, but I think Chevy's grass eating is a habit he won't quit.  So cutting down was huge!  Sometimes after he eats, he bypasses it all together.  So that was a definite plus of fixing his food.  

The second thing I noticed was the horrible gas he had dissipated.  I mean it was awful and went down to almost no smell.  That was awesome!

After that I noticed the Chevy didn't have that "doggy smell."  He had a bath a couple weeks after we got him and I thought it was going to be a regular thing, but honestly, he doesn't need one except to maybe rinse the dirt off of him.  Another bonus!

And the most recent thing I've notice after feeding him cooked food for the last 9 weeks, is that his fur is silky smooth and so healthy.  I am loving it!  

I still feed Chevy kibble sometimes, but it is an add-in and not the main meal.  I cook almost everything in my Instant Pot pressure cooker.  I am learning as I go and I am enjoy making his food.  I know exactly what he is eating and how much.  There is something really comforting in knowing that.  

I know there are all kinds of controversies on what to feed our dogs, all I know is that homecooked is working for Chevy and me.   

It's a Different Kind of Grief

 

I cried the night before we got Chevy.  Boxer laid on my chest as the tears fell.  Everything was going to change with a new dog coming home.  A chapter of my life was over and a new one was to begin.  There was a feeling of betrayal and of letting go.  There was a sense of loss and fear, but what I didn't anticipate was there was closure.  Closure to the grief and pain I'd been experiencing with the loss of the 24 Paws and extensively the last three years after Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa died.  That surprised me.  And relieved me.  In ways I didn't expect that was healing.  After going a year and a half without a dog, there was no doubt that the 24 Paws brought Chevy into our lives and this relief is proof.  I will always be sad and I'll never stop missing the 24 Paws, but the deep pain of loss has been dissipated with Chevy. 

You may remember the evenings are the toughest part of the day for me after losing the 24 Paws.  It still is, yet it isn't as intense.  Now it is surreal with Chevy here.  Especially at bedtime.  I have my pillows of the 24 Paws that I hug and say good night to and Chevy is there as well.  I'm not really sure how to describe it.  There is loss and life in the same room.  The only word that fits is surreal.  Like having a open door to the past and the future at the same time.  It is a very strange feeling.  I don't know if it will go away or not, but it is there for now.  

It also feels natural, having a dog around.  It was so easy to slip into a routine, the feeding, walking, and caring for like I've been doing all my life.  It is like the rhythm of the heartbeat.  The ebb and flow.  The ups and downs.  And unlimited unconditional love.  All in harmony with the 24 Paws of Love.  Their spirits alive and well.  They taught me so much and I feel their pawprints on my heart when I'm with Chevy.  It is such a beautiful feeling of wholeness and completeness.  

And then there is reality.  I'm still in shock that there is a dog in the house after so long without one.  It still blows my mind that Chevy is here.  At the same time it is like that time period of being dog-less didn't even happen.  I can hardly remember it.  ☺

          

     

The Escapades of Chance's Roses

Chance's rose:  the Dark Night

And then there is our sad story of Chance's roses...you might remember that we order Chance's rose, the first year he was gone but it was past the cut off date for spring delivery and we wouldn't get it until fall.  So, Chance went with no rose that first year.  I did receive the plant and planted it in late September, crossing finger and toes that it would survive the winter.  It did get a couple of tiny leaves on it late spring, but alas Mother Nature was harsher than it could handle and it died.  The plant was under warranty, and they would send a replacement, but of course when I called this all happened after the season's delivery schedule and again I won't get it until fall.  SIGH!  We went through the entire scenario with the second rose, planting in the fall and dying in the spring.  

During that second year, I did buy a couple of other roses, so Chance could have something on his grave, but I didn't really care for them.  I kept thinking about the Dark Night rose we were having such a hard time getting.  There was just something special about this rose and we wanted it.  

I've never bought roses online, but you learn a few things after trial and error.  Like, they can be sold out before January for the coming year.  Or that there is no summer delivery, only spring and fall.  So last year I started in December to find this Dark Night rose for our boy, whom had been rose-less for far too long.  I found Heirloom Roses, who not only had the famous rose, but you could pick your day of delivery! So, I ordered this awesome rose and had it sent in mid-May, just in time for the beginning of our growing season.  

 It has been a long three years without a rose for Chance, much too long.  So glad I finally found it.  Feeling so blessed.  ♥

   

Confessions of a grieving dog mom: Part 2

Chance, Blaze and Fiona were my water guzzlers.  Especially Chance.  He could empty a bowl in no time.  I was constantly filling the bowl.  After the three passed, I struggled to give Zappa fresh water.  He never went without it, it just wasn't fresh.   I just couldn't seem to get past the fact that the bowl was always full,   Sometimes I would stand and stare at the full bowl, paralyzed.  I knew I should empty and fill it, but I couldn't.  So I would just walk away. It got so bad that eventually Mark had to step in and start giving Zappa fresh water.  

Now we have Chevy and I have to remember all over again about supplying water.  Don't worry, Chevy is equipped for the task.  He lets me know daily that he needs fresh water to drink by walking to his bowl, smelling it and turning away.  He likes his water really fresh.  I was worried that I would do a Zappa repeat, but Chevy nipped that right in the bud.  

So cool how that worked out.  

If you would have told me...

If you told me that I would be looking at the shelter's website with Brut whispering in my ear to think outside the box and that maybe an older dog would be better with the cats, I wouldn't have believed it.  As I had already looked at the selection of dogs and closed my laptop once, thinking getting a dog was never going to happen.  

And if you'd told me that when Mark said ," Let's go tomorrow and get him," then overslept that morning that it was another sign that it wasn't meant to be.  In spite of the message I got from Brut and Silver early that morning when both of their solar lights on their graves were still dimly lit in the morning dawn, I wouldn't have believed it.  

If you would have told me that a week ago today I would have a 10 year old Lab/Hound mix dog that I picked off the Humane Society laying on the floor next to me, I would have told you, you're crazy!  Or if you'd told me that when we went to the shelter after seeing said picture of dog only to find out they were closed, a friend whom used to work at our vet's office was working there, saw us and came out to see us.  When we told her we wanted Chevy, her eyes lit up as she had known Chevy for a while and even though they were closed, we met Chevy, and she made the deal happen. 

And if I told you that Chevy was great with the cats and the cats are warming up to him, it is almost surreal to believe.  When we took Chevy home, he walked right up to the door, ready to go inside.  And if I told you that it feels like he has been here all along, I would tell you that Chevy filled this dog mom's heart in every way possible.  ♥