Confessions of a grieving dog mom #4-No one told me I might have resentments

Chevy and the roses of the 24 Paws of Love

The first month with Chevy was bliss...and then I found myself with resentments that I wasn't prepared to have.  I was suddenly in the anger stages of my grief over the 24 Paws of Love.  I loved Chevy, but he wasn't Brut, Silver, Zappa, Fiona, Chance or Blaze.  I didn't realize I had an expectation of finding another Paw.  What made it even more difficult was that Chevy was a complete opposite of the 24 Paws.  In almost every way.  I felt like every day I was losing the 24 Paws faster and faster with Chevy being here.  I never missed six dogs so much in all my life and I struggled to keep my focus on Chevy.  It was a bit of a trying time with Chevy settling in and my resentments.  If it wasn't for the structure Chevy and I were building with feedings, downtime, training, playtime and walks, it would have been a whole lot worse, but we carried on together. 

It wasn't Chevy himself that I was angry at, it was just the fact that we were here at this point in our lives.  The 24 Paws ending and Chevy beginning.  It opened a new wave of grief over the 24 Paws.  Angry for what would never be again.  Angry for what we had and angry for grieving all over on an entirely different level with Chevy here.  I felt like I was in the middle of the Paws and Chevy and couldn't decide which way to go.  My loyalty was being stretch in both directions and my first devotion was always to the Paws while struggling to give my heart to Chevy.  

Chevy was his own dog with his own personality and quirks.  For some reason I thought that Chevy would be part of the 24 Paws of Love in some way, shape or form.  That I would "see" the 24 Paws in him or signs that they were "there" in Chevy.  But I didn't and that made me sad and angry.  Chevy was a total stranger.  As we were to him and that made it harder to not feel disappointed. 

I was looking for an instant spiritual connection that never came and I was crushed.  Except for the color of Chevy's fur matching Zappa's, Chevy was the exact opposite of the 24 Paws.  In mannerism, behavior, spirit, dog breed, disposition, and temperament.  You name it, he was as far from being one of the 24 Paws as could be.  And I was angry about that.  That fact alone took me to a place in my grief I never thought I could be.   

Then the next big bombshell hit...the anniversaries of the deaths of the 24 Paws.  From Silver in January to Brut in June, with the pups in between. Almost every month had an anniversary in it.  I sunk into one of the worst depression I'd had in a long time.  Going through that period of each of the dog's death's and having a new dog.  It was awful.  (I will note that I'm prone to depression.  So, this wasn't new to me, but the combo made it more difficult.) 

At the same time, Chevy and I were bonding through walks, training and playtime.  It was the highlight of my day being with Chevy, through these dark times.  

Then the strangest thing happened in May, after Chance's and Fiona's anniversary's, I started to feel a shift in my mood, that continued to lift me out of my depression.  And I tell you what, normally I'm depressed in the summer as well, but this past summer was one of the best I'd ever had because of Chevy.  He made everything worthwhile because he was there for me and I was there for him.  

My patient, gentle boy

I have come to a place of harmony with the 24 Paws and Chevy.  The 24 Paws can't be Chevy and Chevy isn't the 24 Paws.  It was a difficult discovery to make and was painful on many levels.  To be honest I still have shots of the anger flare up.  It is there, but I talk myself through it and it doesn't last long.  The 24 Paws were in my life for a reason.  They were a lifestyle.  My entire life was consumed with those 6 Husky-mixes.  It has been hard to let that go and let another dog in.  Oh, that doesn't mean they aren't here or I never think about them, the 24 Paws are very much part of my every day life, but expecting another dog to be part of them...isn't going to happen.  The 24 Paws were who they were and Chevy is exactly who he is.  And if I really think about it, I'm very, very grateful for that.    

My two favorite boys

These two....

are so bonded.  

It is incredible and so adorable!  Chevy will follow Mark around the house and give me this quick look that says, "Yep, that's my dad!"  It is so cute.  

Over Thanksgiving and Christmas, they got quite a few hours on the couch together that bonded them even more. 

Chevy isn't one to wake Mark up in the morning, instead Chevy sleeps in with him.  

And when they are together, all rules and discipline go out the window!!  lol  They have a language that is all their own.

Just a boy and his dog.  ♥

  

Silver-9 year anniversary

We had her for three years before she became Momma Dog Silver.  Those first few years were a bonding time.  She was part Husky, part Black Lab and even though she looked like a Lab, she acted like a Husky.  A complete free thinker. I had no idea about Huskies and I went in blind. I tried to treat her like the Lab she looked like.  Boy, did she teach me a thing or two or three or four!  I still never really understood the Husky in her until we got Brut.  

Silver and Brut were never legally married, but they might as well been.  They were made for each other.  One year after we had Brut, we let them have their way with each other.  Silver gave birth to 10 beautiful puppies.  She was a gentle mom.  It looked to me that she never disciplined her pups.  She was always wanting to play.  She was a good mom who took care of her pups.  So much so, that we had to separate her from her puppies, because she wouldn't wean them.  She was a happy mom.  I'll never forget the first I knew she was pregnant.  It was the skep in her step and the way she protected her body from Brut.  We were so blessed to have be our Momma Dog Silver. 

 

And when we became the 24 Paws of Love, Silver always put the kids first.  She stayed in the back, quiet and waiting for her turn.  It was her gentleness that she passed down to her pups that took the rough edge of Brut in them.  She was patient, loving and a stronger force then Brut.  When Brut died they lost their leader, but when Silver died the pups fell apart.  Silver was the glue that held everyone together.  I hadn't realized by how much until she passed.  

Nine years ago today, we lost our girl and all she stood for.  My heart will always ache for Silver 

  

Merry Christmas 2025

 Wishing our readers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Thank you for being part of our lives.

We appreciate every one of you and hope the season brings much joy and love.

Kitty-Kitty updates

 Today marks 3 months since Leia fell, hit her head, got a concussion and lost her eye sight.  Her pupils were so dilatated that you couldn't see her irises after her fall.   And while her baby blues are slightly showing now, her eye sight has failed to return.  It looks like after this length of time, that she will be blind for the rest of her life.  

The first two weeks after her fall, she was bumping into everything trying to get her bearings, but after that time period, you'd never know she was blind.  She doesn't try to jump on furniture anymore, except for the bed.  That is her safe spot.  Other than that, she is doing well and has adjusted well to her vision loss.  Animals are so awesome and resilient.  Unlike us humans, they just accept and move on with no thinking involved.  

Which brings me to Boxer, who is doing well with his anal gland cancer.  He is still eating, drinking and pooping which is important because the channel is partially blocked by the tumor.  He still gets around, keeps trying to steal Leia's food and is completely underfoot in the kitchen waiting for a morsel to drop.  He still drives me crazy, but it is a good kind of crazy, most of the time.  lol  He is still as stubborn and pushy as always, but we have both softened over the last few years.  We have extensive cuddle sessions at night and it has brought us closer together.  It has been almost two and a half years since his diagnosis when they gave him only three months to live.  Pretty amazing!

And in typical kitty fashion, Boxer and Leia are hogging the only vent we have in our heating system.  

They will be hanging out here until spring.  lol

      

24 Paws around the house

You may remember that we have throw pillows for each of the 24 Paws of Love.  You can see them here.   Well, we didn't stop there.  The 24 Paws are all around the house.  Almost every spot is filled with a Paw.  

Mark has a hat for each dog and one with all of them on it.  I got all but Zappa's hat from Cafepress.com, but they quit making the hats with the photo patch, so I went to Amazon to get one.  The hats that are just a photo print on the fabric, do not come out as well or last very long.  Learned the hard way.  The hats are quite wore as you can tell, (it is all Mark wears,) but have lasted well.  

This is Mark's corner.  You see we have a street sign that we are going to put up at the end of the driveway.  The Power of Ten puppies on their last day together, as well as Mark and Brut and Chance.  

The pic of the puppies is on a metal plate and it turned out so good.  

Mark is an avid coffee drinker.  These coffee cups are from Shutterfly.com.  These pictures don't do them justice.  Each dog has one.  Although Zappa's is lost at the moment.  

And no 24 Paws attire would be complete without a couple of sweatshirts.  Also from Shutterfly, I believe.

Front

Back

And pictures...so many pictures, canvas' and photos all over the house, along with leashes and collars.  It is comforting looking around and seeing my loves everywhere I look.  

**I am in no way affiliated with any of the websites mentioned above, I am just sharing them for those who may be interested.**  

In a blink of an eye, how quickly things change

 There is a cubby hole shelf in the cat's room that is about six feet up.  The cats have total access to it and love it up there.  Well, about a week ago I was in the other room and heard Leia fall from the top.  She hit three times on the way down.  I didn't see it happen, but I heard it.  I ran in to find her on the floor and a bit disoriented, but no broken bones.  She ate with no problems, drank water and used the box.  She seemed to be okay.  It wasn't until later in the day that I discovered that her pupils were overly dilated.   And then when the light hit her eyes, I could see they were clouded over.  It was after hours, but I gave the vet a call.  She told me to give Leia baby aspirin for 48 hours and if her eyes weren't better to bring her in.  

Leia's eyes didn't improve and we took her in to the clinic, where it was determined that she has lost vision in both eyes.  Her eye pressure is low, there was some blood and inflammation as well.  She probably suffered a concussion from the fall and the vision loss may or may not be permanent.  It may be up to a month or longer if her vision does come back or she may be blind for the rest of her life.  

Other than having to put drops in her eyes for the inflammation, she is doing okay.  She gets around lightly bumping into things but seems to managing.  My biggest concern was Leia being able to make it to her litter box,  and that fear was subsided with success. 

I am sad that Leia lost her sight, but know that fall could have been so much worse.  Like a broken back or neck.  God was watching over her and for that I am forever grateful.  

        

A few things about Chevy

 There are some things we have learned about our big boy over the past year.  Here are a few:

Chevy is not a fan of the heat.  He may lay in the sun for about 5-10 minutes before getting out of and digging a hole in the shade to lay down.  Even when it is only 40°-50°F, he still lays in the shade.  

Chevy loves, loves, loves the snow.  He isn't bothered by the frigid cold or bitter winds.  He is more immune to the cold than some of our Husky mixes were.  

Chevy loves to roll on his back.  All. the. time.  He just has a blast entertaining himself and always makes me laugh when he does it.  

Chevy is not a foodie.  It seems he didn't inherent the Lab's insatiable appetite that they are known for.  He hesitate before he eats anything, including water.  

Chevy is not a fan of toys of any kind.  He may chase a ball a few times, or chew on a stick, but will not play with any toys or stuffies.  

Chevy is scared of thunder and loud bangs.  Turning up the TV/radio during thunderstorms and fireworks seems to be enough for him to tolerate the noise.  Because of his fear of thunder, he is not a fan of the the rain.  Light rain during walks is okay, but heavy rain means staying inside.  

Chevy doesn't bark.  I mean hardly ever.  Once in a while he barks at a person or dog, maybe a deer, but really 99% of the time he pays little attention to anyone.  He also ignores critters, like chipmunks, squirrels, rabbits, or birds.  I've seen chipmunks come right up to his nose and Chevy didn't flinch.  It's kind of nice not worrying about Chevy chasing and catching animals, but I kind of miss the game that the 24 Paws made of it.  

It has been quite an interesting experience learning about Chevy.  I'm sure there is so much more to learn about this awesome dog.  So glad he's in our life to find out more.  ♥